Apocalypse Now!

Bring it on. I mean it. And every person on the planet with a brain should too.

We've all heard the prophecies of the end of days. It certainly feels close. And the zealots on all sides of the religious divide are going to comical lengths to ensure their version of Armageddon plays out.

You know — the obvious one like the Antichrist appearing as a man of peace. And the weird ones like red heifers being flown from America for sacrifice to bring about the Third Temple. Zionists claiming hidden mathematical code in the Torah to predict who will end the world.

Spoiler: it was decoded in 1997 by an American journalist named Michael Drosnin his book, Bible Code, gave the divine prophesy that Colonel Gaddafi was the destroyer of worlds — don't worry, he ended up dead in a ditch in 2011 without having pressed the button. Critics said Drosnin's method could find patterns in any sufficiently large text, so he issued a challenge: "When my critics find a message about the assassination of a prime minister encrypted in Moby Dick, I'll believe them." Brendan McKay, a mathematician at the Australian National University, took up the challenge applied the same calculation and Moby Dick did in fact predict the death of Yitzhak Rabin. The reality is you could run a Tesco receipt through the program and find more devils than will ever be revealed by the Epstein files.

So how did we get to a place where the Zionists, Sunnis, Shiites and Evangelicals who believe in all this crap are blowing everyone up?

Danny Danon, Israel's ambassador to the UN, cited the Holocaust and the story of Purim to justify war on Iran, claiming this was a time for leaders to take action — like Queen Esther, who saved the Israelites by killing 75,000 Persians in 480 BCE.

Problem is, just like the Bible Code, it's complete bollocks. Scholars agree the Book of Esther is fiction, not historical record. No Persian historical sources mention these events and Persian kings didn't marry outside the seven noble families, making Queen Esther historically impossible.

This is the same man who told the United Nations that UN Special Rapporteur Francesca Albanese was a 'witch' and her reports 'a book of spells'. A few hundred years ago she would have been burnt at the stake for the crime of being an intelligent women not afraid to speak the truth. They really need to update their playbook.

What is fact is that around 4,000 years ago women developed writing to record the trade from their labour. Spices, textiles, copper, cedar, grain, perfume. This trade built great cities with clay sewage pipes and latrines built of brick 2,000 years before Rome was even a village, and the high priestesses of the goddess served civic functions, like settling disputes, punishing hubris and testing the worthiness of kings.

At the same time, men turned our potter's wheel into chariots, copper pots, pans and jewellery we made for profit became weapons of mass destruction designed for theft. Then men invented male gods to justify it and empire was born.

To add insult to injury they turned round and used our written words against us. It took a thousand years and some major plot twists, but they finally banished the divine feminine when King Josiah's scribes wrote the Book of Esther, created the laws that subjugated women and banned the worship of Yahweh's wife Asherah — the Creatrix to his Creator. You know, the balance of life.

For the last 2,646 years men have been writing and rewriting these stories as weapons without a single woman in the room. No wonder their view of the world is so twisted. It's sky without earth. The ancient Mesopotamian king Hammurabi who got his divine rights from the sun god Samash started the whole 'Eye for an Eye' thing and we're now getting perilously close to the whole world being blind.

Fortunately, in 1880 women in the UK won the right to read and write again and since then it has only taken the women of the world around 150 years to uncover enough women's history for us to now know the whole story.

Take The Odyssey which has been translated into English continuously since around 1615. Every single one of those was by a man. Emily Wilson's 2017 work was the first complete translation of the Homeric Greek by a woman into English.

And this is where we get to the very meaning of the word apocalypse.

It comes from the Greek apokalypsis: apo, meaning away from, and kalyptein, meaning to cover or to conceal. Apocalypse means unveiling. It means the removal of a veil. It means: what has been hidden is now revealed.

And kalyptein — the root, the concealing — is where we get Calypso.

In the 21st century translation, Calypso, the goddess was the nymph of the island of Ogygia, who kept Odysseus hidden for seven years. She concealed him, sheltered him, loved him, told him her secrets and held what she knew about him close. When the gods ordered her to release him, she was furious — not because she was irrational or hysterical or couldn't take instruction, but because she made a precise and accurate observation: that the gods held a double standard. Male gods took mortal lovers and kept them. She, a goddess, was ordered to release hers. She said so, plainly and without apology, and then she let him go, because even Calypso understood that some things cannot be held forever.

Homer wrote Calypso's story around 800 BCE but her lore was told for centuries before. It was the Middle Ages translators who turned her into the whiny, jealous bitch we learned at school. I fucking hope Christopher Nolan based his script on Emily's translation for his latest version, because the last thing the world needs now is even more bronze age patriarchal bullshit!

In story terms, the Odyssey was an early episode in human history's 'jump the shark' season where they followed the first seasons of human history — 40,000 years and made the impossible happen. The angry, violent jealous men became the stars (gods) and the women who had built civilisation were regulated to supporting roles (all women).

'Jump the shark' stems from season 5 of Happy Days in 1977 and the writers had totally lost the plot. The gang are on holiday in California. Fonzie — leather jacket, thumbs up, the coolest man on television — puts on swimming trunks and water skis, and jumps over a confined shark. That's it. That's the scene. That's how easy it is to build a legend and lose it.

Just a year before, 'Christmas Time' was the most popular Happy Days episode ever, it was epic storytelling of Homerian proportions.

Spoiler: We knew the Fonz, he was cool and effortlessly masculine and we knew this act was the product of being the child of a father who left for the high seas leaving him just a locked box. In this episode he finally faced his past, drove over the box with his motorbike. What did he find?

The key to the locked box.

That episode was written by a woman Beverly Bloomberg. But the next season she was credited as just a script editor. She was probably in her 20s at the time, there's no record of why she was demoted but can you feel it? That rage when men take over or steal something you've pored your heart and soul and made a success of? Only for them to turn it into crap?

I'm pretty sure that's how the women of ancient Mesopotamia felt. And how we're all feeling right now.

But what if we brought in a team of women writers to turn this season around?

In my writers room we'd set the next episode in Armageddon where the apocalypse is due to take place.

Armageddon comes from Har Megiddo — the hill of Megiddo, in the valley of the Via Maris, the Way of the Sea. For thousands of years this was Asherah's valley. The Lady of the Sea, whose sacred groves stood on every high hill and under every green tree.

The Via Maris was the most important trade route in the ancient world — the highway connecting Egypt to Mesopotamia, running straight through her valley. Every merchant, every army, every idea moving between Africa and Asia passed through Megiddo. Whoever controlled it controlled the flow of the world's wealth. It wasn't a battlefield first. It was a marketplace.

Even the Sea of Galilee, where Jesus walked on water, sits on her road.

Now they're all waiting there for 'four horsemen', 'dragons spewing frog headed demons', 'rivers of blood', 'blotting out the sun', 'scorching men with great heat', and 'a great earthquake, such as was not since men were upon the earth, so mighty an earthquake, and so great'.

No wonder people are fighting to get into the bomb shelters in Tel Aviv and hiding in the basements of luxury hotels in Dubai.

But we know what they're really afraid of. The prophesied return of the whore of Babylon.

Real name Qadishtu. The sacred women of the temple.

The Hebrew word qadesh — sacred, set apart, holy — the same root as Kiddush, the sanctification prayer said over wine on the Sabbath. The same root as Kadosh, holy. The women who served in the temples, settled disputes, tested kings, held the sacred knowledge. The translators called them harlots.

So let's reclaim our words and stories with their real meanings.

What's about to be revealed will come from the hill of the queen of heaven, Asherah wife and equal to Yahweh the creator. It's on the road of the goddess Inanna who rose from the underworld to bring new life and if there are any frog headed demons that's just Heqet, the Egyptian Goddess of fertility and childbirth,

You see these apocalyptic stories come from people whose whole perception of their world ran along that road. We're now connected to the whole planet and 51% of us have our own stories of creation goddesses and they're all so similar that divine intervention is the only logical explanation.

While they're still on the hunt for red heifers — importing cattle from Texas, running trial sacrifices by the explicit instructions of the Torah, When the ritual didn't get the expected result, they put it down to two black hairs. The white buffalo calves prophesied by the Lakota people for nineteen generations have been arriving for decades. The first was born in 1994. More have come since. White Buffalo Calf Woman, a sacred woman who brought her people the ceremonial pipe and seven sacred rites at a time of great need, transformed into a white buffalo calf and departed, promising to return. She's been keeping that promise. A sign of hope and renewal. Not manufactured ceremony.

So let's all write this season finale to bring back the true essence of the Story of Humankind with the balance it needs.

If you don't follow any religion, follow the stories, follow the archeology, follow the science.

If you're Christian, put Mary back where she belongs as a temple weaver, a high priestess and add the book of Mary the 13th Apostle to the testaments. Recognise where the Orishas are hidden when they joined the women of the slave ships. And catholics please give Sinead O'Connor her sainthood for everything she sacrificed to overcome the evil in your church.

If you're Muslim, honour the goddesses who guarded the stones of Mecca for millennia and respect the inheritance the prophet promised to Fatima.

If you're Jewish, ask yourself why Rachel stole the teraphim and asked to be buried on the side of the road, not in the tomb of the ancestors with her husband. She had no choice who she married, but she had a choice to reject his new fangled patriarchy and make sure that statement would be remembered when needed most.

And if you're what they consider a 'pagan' or 'heretic', you're probably entitled to say a very loud "I told you so" for the thousands of years keeping her stories alive.

Because reintroducing the divine feminine shouldn't shake our faith it adds to our beliefs and if we don't turn something around really quickly within our own communities right now the devil worshipping elites and emperors with no clothes will cancel the whole show.